Powerful stuff, Tom. The emotions of this story resonated with me. I can’t say I’ve reached your heights, but I feel the indifference you describe from time to time.
And it worries me.
Writing was never a hobby of mine, but I’ve considered myself to be a good writer, so I leveraged the skill to become self-employed. Still, that apathy surfaces now and again…sort of like a “meh, what am I doing?”
In these moments, I try to remind myself of my days in corporate life when it was much worse. For me, I had to do something unfulfilling and uninspiring (banking) for a while to realize I needed a change. I needed to do something I hated doing to find something better.
I know you’re not outright asking for advice, but it’s an idea: try a somewhat contrarian approach and do something you hate to appreciate where you’re at now?
It’s tough, and I feel for you man. I wish you well on your journey.